Tuesday Toss-Up

Are You Your Own Frenemy?

The other day, I messed up.

It wasn’t really a big deal but I immediately started kicking myself in the mental butt.

Later on, that same inner voice talked me into junk food and procrastination instead of a healthy snack and knocking a big chunk off my todo list.

Later still, the inner voice followed up with a whole lot more mental butt-kicking (rather gleeful mental butt-kicking, I might add).

Then it dawned on me: I’m my own frenemy.

To which my inner-frenemy said, “Wow, you’re like some kind of genius or something.”

Sometimes I’m pretty nice to myself. I point out my good qualities, give myself props where they’re due, encourage myself to the right thing and forgive myself when I don’t. But it’s just so much easier to undermine and snipe at myself than to build myself up.

How scary is that?

I’d never talk to anybody else like that and, if anybody else tore me down like that, I’d kick that so-and-so to the curb (emphasis on kick). If somebody talked to my kids that way…well, it wouldn’t be pretty.

So why do I let me talk to me that way?

And how do I go from being my frenemy to my own bff?

Having trouble spotting the frenemy in you or others? This may help…

How about you? How do you talk to yourself? Are you your own frenemy or best friend? And how do you turn your inner-frenemy into your inner-bestie?

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21 thoughts on “Are You Your Own Frenemy?

  1. My inner frenemy shows up maybe once a year. I do a pretty good job of keeping her at bay. 😀 My hubby, on the other hand, stresses about everything and will kick himself over things that I never thought was an issue.

  2. Who needs a frenemy when he’s got a wife? After she points out everything wrong with me, I tell myself I’m not really all that bad.

    I’ve made her sound like a monster, which she’s not. She just tends to point out negatives much more quickly than positives.

  3. My inner frenemy used to be a seriously psychotic bitch (perhaps not so coincidentally, she showed up at a time of serious depression in my life 😉 I caught myself down in such a nasty way that I thought to myself, “I’d seriously kick the ass of anyone who talked to me like that; why on earth do I say these things to myself?” Kicked that bitch in the @#$% and haven’t seen her since 🙂

  4. I’m not sure I know the feeling of being my own frenemy, but I do have a similar experience with my “inner critic”. She’s the one who shamelessly points out the mistakes I make in my writing and constantly tells me what I need to be doing to improve. She’s the only one I know who’s brutally honest with me… but I guess that’s what I need sometimes to make my work the best it can be. 😛

    By the way, I’m running a post on my blog Monday for the Sunshine Blogger Award, and I’d like to nominate you! There’s no pressure for you to accept it, of course, but I do find your blog inspiring, and I think you deserve the nomination anyway. Keep up the great writing! 😉

  5. Lots of belly dancers are frenemies, for sure. Your best friend when you’re producing a show, but would burn your second set costume in the dressing room while you’re on stage. (Actually happened to a frenemy I know. She gave as good as she got, I assure you.) But some belly dancers are the finest people I know and have set pristine examples. I use their examples every day in the writing world.

      1. I actually found Showgirls to be very realistic in that aspect. As for the more raw aspects of the movie, so to speak, I wouldn’t know. But when she tossed those beads on the stairs for the woman to trip? I got it.

        1. Yeah. Scary but true. I’m sure folks engage in all sorts of sabotage in an attempt to get to the top and not just Vegas showgirls. Sometimes even our friends and family subtly sabotage us.

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